When My Students Ask How Old I Am

By Natalie Wolf

Photo Credit: Firmbee.com

I am the same age as Chappell Roan. Maya

Hawke. You can find me at the Pink Pony

Club, the Scoops Ahoy, slaying demogorgons

in miniskirt and go-go boots. You'd better believe

I can do revenge like nobody's business.

I'm the same age as Jaden Smith. Elle Fanning.

Shawn Mendes. I've only gotten stitches once,

but I have plenty of scars. I gave up on being

a Karate Kid. You can judge if you want, but

we are all remakes. And I'm no Sleeping

Beauty, but I'd be one hell of an empress.

I'm the same age as Mulan. The Parent Trap.

The initial infamy of Monica Lewinski. I had

to learn how to be a good feminist. You know

this world will try to make a man out of you.

In books, I'm as old as Holes. The second

Harry Potter. I paint my nails with lizard venom,

and my name spelled backwards means nothing.

And yes, I have a chamber of secrets, but so does

everyone. You just can't let them turn you to stone.

I'm as old as the Theo ending in Pippin.

The Truman Show. Every day this world feels more

and more like a sham. Like I'm going under. Face down,

burnt out. The cycle never ends, and running from yourself

is pretty far to run. I sprinted into the road, and not a single car

stopped. There was pillaging. Jubilation. Xylophones.

If I'm being honest, I only kiss and kill in poems.

I'm the same age as Google, and I've been searching

for myself for years now. There are 56,000,000

initial results. I have stood before the giant fork

in Springfield, MO and tried to understand my place

in the world. But I'm still getting to know my own

reflection. Maybe one day I will find my long-lost

twin, and everything will click into place.

But for now, I'm just trying ... to hold on? To

make it out alive? No. I'm trying to give myself

a little mercy. To treat me better, breathe me

back to life. M.e. Me. Get the picture? I am a

girl worth fighting for, and I want some goddamn

simple joys. To learn how to be free. It might be

good for me to waste an hour or two. Fuck,

I'm dipping Oreos in peanut butter. We're

all gonna wind up dead someday.

To really answer your question, I'm twenty-

seven. I was born in 1998. The world was ready

to party. It was ready for the end. And that may

seem old to you; I don't know. Some days, I feel

pretty old. Every night, I take one large sleeping

pill and just hope no one pushes my mattress

out into the middle of the lake. I'll admit,

I can get tired of this, Grandpa.

But most days, I feel like I'm barely

past the opening number. 56,000,000

results and counting. Listen, I want

nonfiction. I know my corner

of the sky is out there, and hell

if it isn't a supernova. So wish me

good luck, babe. I've got magic

to do. And there is nothing,

nothing holding me back.

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Natalie Wolf is an MA student and First Year Writing instructor at the University of Kansas. She is an editor for One Sentence Poems and a reader for Cottonwood Literary Magazine. Her short fiction and poetry have appeared in Short Story, Long, 1-70 Review, JAKE, and more. You can find her on her website (https://nwolfmeep.wixsite.com/nmwolf) and on

Instagram @nwolfcats.

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