so as to keep my job—

so as to seem smarter—

so as not to be judged—

so as to feel productive—

so as not to be crucified—

so as to be judged better—

so as not to be condemned—

so as to make a first impression—

so as to keep myself from crying—

so as to make a lasting impression—

so as to make room for new books—

so as to feel a sense of control over my life—

so as to fool myself into thinking they care—

so as to arrange the deck chairs on this Titanic—

so as to assume the video feed will actually work—

so as to remember what I have on my shelves anyway—

so as to fool myself into thinking they can actually see—

so as to cultivate some sense of self hidden among the titles—

etc.

​

By Aaron Sandberg